ISLAM ON DOWRY

The Real Gift
Islam has legislated the giving of the
dower by the husband to the wife in
order to please the woman’s heart and
to honour her. It is also meant to bring
an end to what was done in the Days of
Ignorance wherein she was wronged,
exploited, despised and robbed of her
wealth. The dower is a right exclusively
for the wife. It is her possession and
none of her guardians or relatives may
share any part of it. No one has any power over her concerning how she wishes to
dispose of it, as long as she does so in a legally acceptable manner. She may give
it away as a gift, she may lend it to others or she may give it in charity or do any
other permissible acts she wishes with it.
T he dower was instituted because the goal of marriage is not the actual act of the
marriage contract in itself. In fact, the actual purpose of marriage cannot be
achieved unless the spouses stay in a state of marriage. However, that may not be
achieved unless the dower is an obligation at the time of the marriage contract
itself. In this case, when there come times that may lead the man to divorce his
wife, such as estrangement or coarse behaviour, the husband would not be willing
to divorce his wife due to just the slightest act of rudeness that occurs. If it were
not for the dower that was required due to the contract itself, it would be very easy
for him to leave her.
Therefore, the goals of marriage would not be met as the goals and benefits of
marriage are only met when the two are in accord and agreement with one another
but that accord will not come about unless the woman is something honoured and
special to the husband. But such honour will not come about unless he had to
give up something important to him. This is because what is most difficult to
achieve is most special to the person. Therefore, if the wife is not something
special in the eyes of the husband, then he will dispose of her at the first sign of
unhappiness, the accord will not occur and the purposes of marriage will not be
achieved.
What we see happening in some European countries, and indeed some Muslim
countries, is very strange indeed. This is where the woman is required to furnish a
dowry or provide the furniture for their future house. This is definitely turning the
natural order of things upside down and goes against the nature of mankind. It
leads to a great deal of social ills and behavioural harm. It is a means by which the
woman is despised and belittled. Indeed, she is ruined because of it. If the woman
is not able to gather enough wealth together for marriage, she will not be able to
get married and, instead, will have boyfriends and affairs, and other evil results.
Such a practice contains a great deal of evil and harm for the society; this practice
may even bring about society’s end soon. There is a great difference between the
case where the woman feels that she and what she possesses belong to her
husband and where she feels that she is something desired and honoured, as the
fiancé spends money on her and gives her presents and so on to get her as his
wife.
One regrettable aspect of dowry-giving in recent times is that it is becoming more
and more a matter of ostentation. Nothing could be more un-Islamic in motivation
than this. Even the practice of performing a marriage quietly, without any
flamboyant display of wealth, but subsequently giving a lavish dowry to enable
the bride to set up her home is contrary to Islamic practice. It was certainly not the
Sunnah of the Prophet . Faatimah was his favourite daughter, but he
neither gave her a lavish dowry nor did he send things to her home after the
wedding, and even when she made a request to him for something of a
material nature, he only gave her the benefit of his counsel.
Mahr (The Dower)
Islam has successfully maintained an even balance in society between men and
women by giving its unequivocal endorsement to a practical division of labour,
whereby women are placed in charge of the internal arrangement of the household,
while men are responsible for its financing. The home is thus organised on the
pattern of a microcosmic estate, with the man in a position of authority. The Quran
is specified on this issue; Allaah Says (what means): “Men are in charge of
women by [right of] what [qualities] Allaah has given one over the other and what
they spend [in support] from their wealth. So righteous women are devoutly
obedient, guarding in [the husband's] absence what Allaah would have them
guard…” [Quran 4:34]
For largely biological reasons, women are well adapted to domestic pursuits while
men, for similar reasons, are better suited to work outside the home. These
physical and mental differences between men and women are, in practice, what
underlay Islam’s division of familial responsibilities into internal and external
spheres, with the woman dealing exclusively with the home and family and the
man providing the funds.
Mahr Mu’ajjal (Promptly given dower)
At the time of the marriage, the groom hands over to the bride a sum of money
called Mahr (dower) which is a token of his willing acceptance of the
responsibility of bearing all necessary expenses of his wife. This is the original
meaning of Mahr, although this custom has come to have different connotations
in modern times.
There are two ways of presenting the Mahr to the bride. One is to hand it over at
the time of the marriage, in which case it is known as Mahr Mu’ajjal, or promptly
given dower. During the time of the Prophet and his companions, Mahr
Mu’ajjal was the accepted practice and the amount fixed was generally quite
minimal. The giving of Mahr by ‘Ali to Faatimah who was the Prophet’s
daughter, is an illustration of how this custom was respected. After the marriage
had been arranged, the Prophet asked ‘Ali if he had anything he could give as
dower in order to make Faatimah his lawfully wedded wife. ‘Ali replied: "I swear by
Allaah that I have nothing, O Messenger of Allaah.” The Prophet then asked:
“Where is the coat of armour I once gave you?” ‘Ali replied that it was still in
his possession. The Prophet then instructed him to send the coat of armour
to Faatimah thereby making his union lawful. This then was the sum total of
Faatimah’s dower.